if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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