Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
