my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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