There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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