The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
