At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
