im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
