Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
