Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
