4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
