I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
