literally had 100 drinks last night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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