You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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