When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who died my cat blue again?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUCK WHALES
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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