Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
