On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
