Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
