My first STD was from a foam party
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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