i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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