i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
