I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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