dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My balls are so social today.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
