R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
