What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
