Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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