if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
