I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
