she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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