Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
