Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
