I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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