I wanna bring you to show and tell
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
