Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Come on in and take your pants off
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