Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
