What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
