my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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