I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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