How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
