Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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