her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
