you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
