So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Life without a bra equals bliss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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