I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
