Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
