is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
