I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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