i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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