My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
