Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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