Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
