It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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